23. Rock concert

The following is an example of a typical (if not slightly exaggerated) conversation I used to have with my band mates in my gigging days:

The band rush into the crowded bar at 9.50pm on a busy Saturday night. The patrons are loud, drunk and obnoxious. The band mates go to the stage area and start to set up the equipment.

MATT

Rich, I'm not being funny mate, but you know we start at 10 on Saturdays, Hazel doesn't like it when we start late! How are we going to do a sound check in 10 minutes?

RICH

Well Sarah cooked fondue, and Tony and Beki came round for tea...

ROBIN

Oh fuck, I can't find my drum key again.

MATT

Oh brilliant

ROBIN

Oh hold on, I left it in the car, back in a minute.

MATT

Come on guys, let’s crack on

RICH sets his keyboard up and connects it up to the speakers.

RICH

Can you just do a level check on the keys mate?

MATT

Yeah, play something.

MATT walks in front of the stage listening to the various speakers around the bar.

MATT (cont)

I can't hear anything!!

RICH

Nothing?

MATT

Yeah nothing! Can you hear anything through the monitor?

RICH

Oh shit, I left the monitor in the other bar last night! I'll have to drive and get it

MATT

Well we need to sort the speakers out before we do that.

RICH

Well the cable must be broken

MATT

Just use your spare..

RICH

I'm not sure where it is, I lent it to Dave the other week. Oh - do you have any batteries for my guitar; it's been cutting out a bit....

MATT

Yeah - in my case. And there's spare speaker cable too.

RICH

Cheers.

RICH sets up all of his gear and checks the levels. ROBIN comes back in.

MATT

Mate, Rich needs the car keys so he can go and pick up the monitor from Charlie’s.

ROBIN

Ah ok, I've had to park it up the road so it's a bit of a walk.

RICH

No worries.

RICH runs out and returns 10 minutes later with the monitor. The band starts to play. MATT's guitar cuts out in the middle of the first guitar solo.

MATT

Oh shit!

MATT looks for his spare cable but can't see it.

MATT (cont)

RICH have you seen my spare jack lead?

RICH

No idea mate

MATT

I need a drink!